Taking My Life - Why It Never Happened

Welcome to my blog,

I have been suffering with depression since middle school year 7-8 one of them but I didn't know that's what was wrong with me till I got to college and broke down to my tutors telling them how I felt. My tutor booked me an appointment for the doctors and I attended and was put on the lowest tablets you could possibly get. 

Before this was all booked I tried telling my mum that I needed to see a doctor because I thought I had it and she turned around and said to me 'don't be so stupid' so I never told her I was on medication and kept it a secret. 

It all got to much for me and in my second year of college on a bus on the way home I broke down finally admitting to myself that something was wrong and that I finally needed help. Even though I knew I was unwell I never admitted it to myself. 

Eventually I felt like I had gone through so much that I wasn't getting any help, my boyfriend wasn't understanding and I constantly felt like crap. Waking up was a chore and going to bed was always a thought of how I didn't want to wake up.

So I tried to take my life, I felt like I was so close to doing it. I was talking to a friend I've known since I was a kid and just saying goodbye really. My biggest fear was/is trying to take my life and not succeeding and that thought alone terrified me I just didn't want to get it wrong. 

Anyway my friend ended up messaging my sister and my sister phoned my mum. My mum then came in to my room and I just broke down. Only then did my mum want to take my illness seriously. 

My plan never happened I knew what I was going to do and where everything was that I needed. 

People need to understand depression is not something you can just keep on going with. It's an illness that can emotionally make you do physical things. If you ever feel so low at all then you should go to a doctor and get the help needed. 

Depression does not make you weak and it does not define who you are. 

If  you live through it everyday it definitely shows how much of a strong person you are.

Beautiful Belongings 

Story From My Past #2

Welcome to my blog,

So when I was in primary school we had 2 new girls join our school. I told them about the boy who lived in the bell tower and ate chocolate and I got told off for it because I scared them so much that they didn't want to come to school, even though I got told to tell them by the other kids in class everyone in school knew about it and we all thought it was the truth. 

Basically in school we had a bell on the roof that was broken and then the stairs that led down to a basement type cellar thing and every lunchtime we would go to that part of the school and drop chocolate bits down to where we thought the boy stayed, so we dropped it down watched where it landed took a step back and looked back down to see it had been gone. 

Our theory was he lived under the stairs and only ate chocolate and every day at midnight he went under the school through the cellar bit and up to the bell tower to ring it at midnight. Bear in mind we would have been in bed at that time and wouldn't of even heard it but we where certain that's what was happening because we thought we had seen him standing by the bell tower eating chocolate.

We must have been in year 4/5 so we where young and gullible to believe all of this kind of stuff, but yeah I got told off and had to say sorry even though I told them the truth. 

Beautiful Belongings

Story From My Past

Hey guys, 

So today will be a short post just about what I did in my past told a bit like a story. (Bit unusual I guess)

 

I was in primary school at the time, and one of my best friends had glasses. I thought they where so cool and wanted a pair for myself and I knew my eye test was coming up not long after. So me only being young planned out what I was going to do. I walked in to the place for my eye test with my mum and sister and put the funny glasses on and told the woman that was checking my eyes different letters to what was on the board haha I actually thought this was going to work. At the end she told my mum my eyes where fine and I left with out a pair of glasses. Safe to say I never did that again.

Beautiful Belongings